The
best among you is the best to his wife and family
BS
Foad, M.D 2010
We will disc=
uss
the following concepts:
1-Women are =
equal
to men regarding human dignity, responsibility and accountability
2-The relati=
onship
between the spouses is based on kindness, love and mercy, and is a blessing
from God. Such relationship is not based on the husband dominating his wife=
or
enforcing his will, or showing no respect or trust in his wife.
3-Both husba=
nd and
wife has important functions to perform in order for the family to succeed =
and
for the children’s sake, and for each of the spouses to fulfill his/ =
her
role and feel satisfied and fulfilled.
4-The abuse =
of
women has no place in Islam and cannot be practiced in this country. Both m=
en
and women have equal human dignity, no gender is superior to the other.
God favored man kind and made us his heirs=
on
earth and subjected everything at our disposal, in order that we may take c=
are
of and develop civilization on earth and serve God:
We have honored th=
e sons
of Adam; provided them with transport on land and sea; given them for
sustenance things good and pure; and conferred on them special favors, abov=
e a
great part of Our Creation.
&n=
bsp; Al-Isra’a
17: 70
And:
Do ye not see that=
Allah
has subjected to your (use) all things in the heavens and on earth, and has
made His bounties flow to you in exceeding measure, (both) seen and unseen?=
Yet
there are among men those who dispute about Allah, without knowledge and
without guidance, and without a Book to enlighten them!
&n=
bsp; Luqman
31: 20
And:
To the Thamud Peop=
le (We
sent) Salih, one of their own brethren. He said: "O my People! Worship
Allah: ye have no other god but Him. It is He Who hath produced you from the
earth and settled you therein: then ask forgiveness of Him, and turn to Him=
(in
repentance): for my Lord is (always) near, ready to answer."
&n=
bsp; Hud 11: 61
Both
men and women are equal in human dignity. Men are not superior to women, an=
d women
are not superior to men. Each person stands on his own merit and is close to
Allah or distant depending on his/ her sound heart, character and behavior.=
The Qur’an explains that both m=
en and
women will be rewarded or punished according to their deeds and faith:<=
span
style=3D'color:black'>
Whoever works
righteousness, man or woman, and has Faith, verily, to him will We give a new Life, a life that is good and pure, and =
We
will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their actions.
&n=
bsp; An-Nahl
16: 97
And:
Not your desires, =
nor
those of the People of the Book (can prevail): whoever works evil, will be
requited accordingly. Nor will he find, besides Allah, any protector or hel=
per.
&n=
bsp; An-Nesa’a 4: 123
If any do deeds of
righteousness, - be they male or female - and ha=
ve
faith, they will enter Heaven, and not the least injustice will be done to
them.
&n=
bsp; An-Nesa’a
4: 124
And:
And their Lord hath
accepted of them, and answered them: "Never will I suffer to be lost t=
he
work of any of you, be he male or female: ye are members, one of another; t=
hose
who have left their homes, and were driven out there from, and suffered har=
m in
My Cause, and fought and were slain, verily, I will blot out from them their
iniquities, and admit them into Gardens with rivers flowing beneath - a rew=
ard
from the Presence of Allah - and from His Presence is the best of
rewards."
&n=
bsp; Al-Imran
3: 195
And:
For Muslim men and
women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for true men =
and
women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who
humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women=
who
fast (and deny themselves), for men and women who guard their chastity, and=
for
men and women who engage much in Allah's praise, for them has Allah prepared
forgiveness and great reward.
&n=
bsp; Al-Ahzab
33: 35
Prophet Mu=
hammad
(PBUH) advised us to be good to our wives, daughters, mothers and
relatives. He emphasized that the best Muslim is the person who is best to =
his
wife and family and treats them well:
1-(The
best among you is the best to his wife and family)
Termedhi, Ibn Majja & Ta=
barani
2-(Be
good to women)
Bokhari & Muslim
3-(Women
are the twins of men)
The relati=
onship
between the spouses is based on kindness, love and mercy
God
created in our hearts kindness, love and mercy towards our spouses. The
Qur’an emphasizes that this intimate relationship is a blessing and a
sign of God:
And among His Signs is this that He
created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquili=
ty
with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in t=
hat
are Signs for those who reflect.
&=
nbsp; Ar-Rum
30: 21
So
the basis of this relationship is not dominance of one over the other, or l=
ack
of respect or lack of trust or suspicion. Rather this warm and intimate
relationship is based upon love and kindness and mercy. It grows and is
nourished by the mutual love and by the sacrifice that each spouse puts into
this relationship. Each test brings them closer and increase their
understanding and trust of each other. Each finds in his /her mate the peac=
e,
comfort and satisfaction that is required and is the fruit of such blessing
from God.
For
a long time men were dominant and women were oppressed and had no freedom or
self-dignity. They obeyed their husbands because this was the way married l=
ife
was supposed to work out. The husband and father was the absolute ruler in =
his
house, and his wife could not do anything without his consent and permissio=
n.
Women were imprisoned in their homes because of tradition and wrong
understanding of the religion. There is nothing in the Qur’an that fo=
rces
women to be prisoners in their own homes, or prevents them from getting an
education and from working and having a professional career. The order to t=
he
Prophet’s wives to stay at home does not necessarily apply to other
women, because the prophet’s wives are not like other women. And the
Qur’anic order has a rationale:
-They
were supposed to learn the Qur’an & Sunnah
-They
were regarded highly as mothers of the believers, and constant contact with=
Other’s was not encouraged
-To
avoid anything that may cause temptation
-They
were not allowed to marry after the prophet’s death
Some
argue that if this behavior is appropriate for the Prophet’s wives, t=
hen
it should be appropriate for all Muslim women. I do not share this view,
because the prophet’s wives have special status and serve a different
function. It is also important to understand how the prophet (PBUH) and his
wives lived in the mosque in Madina to realize that his quarters or rooms w=
ere
part of the mosque and he and his family had very little privacy. That is w=
hy
the order came in the Qur’an in chapter 33 to respect and safeguard t=
he
privacy of the prophet and his family. This situation does not apply to oth=
er
Muslims and their families nowadays since each person has the privacy that =
he
needs, and is safe in his home.
The
prophet’s sayings should also be understood in historical context. He=
was
living with and addressing people in an environment that had certain tradit=
ions
and values. Islam came to effect just social change, but such a change could
not be enforced suddenly. It had to come gradually and both the Qur’an
and the Sunnah had to acknowledge the customs and traditions prevalent at t=
he
time, then show whether these traditions were right or needs to be changed =
for
the better. When the family was addressed in the Qur’an certain
objectives were the focus:
-To
afford women their human dignity and respect
-To
give women their rights
-To
establish the relationship in the family, not on the basis of dominance but=
on
The basis of kindness and mercy and
cooperation
-To
establish the responsibility and accountability of both husband and wife,
father
And mother
The
Qur’an therefore, started this process of change gradually by limiting
the number of wives that a man can have to four, and stressed that the norm=
is
to have only one wife. The allowance to marry more than one wife is an
exception to be used only under special circumstances. Islam gave women the=
ir
rights of accepting or refusing an offer of marriage and the right to get a
divorce, and the right to be treated well according to what is proper and
accepted in the society.
There
is nothing in the Qur’an that prevents a woman from lawful employment.
Therefore, this idea of imprisoning women in their homes has no basis in Is=
lam.
At the time of prophet Muhammad (PBUH) many women (companions) used to work=
and
his wife Khadeeja was a merchant. Women came out to administer to the wound=
ed
and fought besides the men in the battles that Muslims fought. Keeping women
locked in their homes is a tribal tradition and culture, and not the teachi=
ngs
of Islam which honors women and gives them their rights and ensures their h=
uman
dignity.
Both men a=
nd
women have important functions to perform if the family is to succeed
Traditionally
the man worked to earn a living and provide for his family. The woman staye=
d at
home to take care of her children and provide a peaceful enjoyable home.
However, the society has changed and many women nowadays also earn a living=
as
their husbands do. Husbands, therefore, should assume a more positive role =
in
taking care of the children and in doing chores at home. Doing work at home=
and
helping his wife does not diminish the husband as a man or a father. On the
contrary, it shows that he understands the duty that his wife is shouldering
and that he is willing to help and share in that duty. What he gets in addi=
tion
to fulfilling his duty, and the pleasure of God, is the gratitude and love =
of
his wife.
In
today’s society the traditional view of the husband as the absolute r=
uler
in his house and that his word is law is no longer valid. No decision shoul=
d be
taken without adequate consultation and input from both spouses. Difference=
s of
opinion can only be solved by talking and keeping open lines of communicati=
on.
No one is to force his opinion on the other party. Such consultation and
seeking input is encouraged in the Qur’an:
if they both decide on
weaning, by mutual consent, and after due consultation, there is no blame on
them.
&n=
bsp; Al-Baqara
2: 233
And:
Those who hearken =
to
their Lord, and establish regular prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mu=
tual
Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;
&n=
bsp; Ash-Shura
42: 38
The
husband must respect his wife, especially in front of the children, and sho=
ws
that he trusts her. No decision is taken without consulting his wife. Child=
ren
will try to play one parent against the other. When the children realize th=
at
their father trusts and respects their mother, they too will develop respect
and trust. A home where both parents respect and trust each other is a sound
home with balanced adjusted children, whereas a home where the husband is
dominant and shows no respect for his wife is a home where the children will
have no real respect for their mother. They will grow having no respect for
women, and are likely to treat their wives badly.
There is no
place in our society for wife beating
Discipline
in marital life has undergone significant change as the society has changed.
What at one time was accepted in a primitive society as a form of disciplin=
e,
which is beating one’s wife, is no longer accepted nowadays. The
Qur’anic injunction cannot be applied today in this society:
Men are the protec=
tors
and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one more (strength) t=
han
the other, and because they support them from their means. Therefore the
righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence
what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear
disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them (first), (next), refuse to share
their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience,
seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is Most High, Great
(above you all).
&n=
bsp; An-Nesa’a
4: 34
This
injunction applies to a minority of women who feel superior and are not wil=
ling
to listen to reason. The Qur’an explains three steps:
1-Talking
to them in a kind way and reminding them of their duties and of the
Welfare of the family
2-Not
sleeping with them, thus denying a blessing that Allah has made lawful
3-Only
if these two steps fail a husband, under rare circumstances, was allowed
To lightly beat his wife
But in this
society this wife-beating has no place and cannot be allowed for several
reasons:
1-The
law is against wife beating, and the wife can call the police, who will
Put the husband in jail, and=
the
wife can take a restraining order
2-Wife-beating
is against the teaching of Islam which advocates kindness, love
And mercy, and stresse=
s the
human dignity of a wife and mother
3-Prophet
Muhammad (PBUH) could not understand how a husband would beat
His wife in the morning, the=
n seek
intimacy with her at night (Abdel Raz-Zak)
4-A
man should put himself in his wife’s position: how would he feels if =
he
is
Beaten by his wife! Would th=
is
behavior destroy any sense of trust and love?
Towards the person causing t=
his
humiliation?
The
Best among you is the best to his wife
BS
Foad, M.D 2010
Women are =
equal
to men regarding human dignity, responsibility & accountability
God favored mankind and made us heirs on earth a=
nd
subjected everything under our disposal:
“We
have honored mankind, provided for them transport on land and sea; given th=
em
for sustenance Things good and pure; and conferred on them special favors,
above a great part of Our creation” Al-Isra’a 17: 70
“Do
you not see that Allah has subjected to your use all things in the heavens =
and
on earth, and has
made His bounties flow to you in
exceeding measure, both seen and unseen” Luqman 31: 20
Both men and women are rewarded and punished
according to their faith and deeds in the Qur’an
“Whoever
does righteous work, man or woman, and has faith, indeed to him will We giv=
e a
new life, a life that is good=
and
pure, and We will bestow on such their reward according to the best of their
actions” An-Nahl 16: 97
“If
any do deeds of righteousness, be they male or female, and have faith, they
will enter heaven, and not the least
injustice will be done to them” An-Nesa’a 4: 124
“And
their Lord has accepted of them, and answered them: “Never will I all=
ow
the work of any of you, be it male or Female, to be lost or wasted: you are
members one of another” Al-Imran 3: 195
“For
Muslim men and women; for believing men and women; for devout men and women;
for true men and women; for h=
umble
men and women; for men and women who give in charity; for men and women who
fast; for men and women who g=
uard
their chastity; for men and women who engage much in Allah’s praise: =
for
them Allah has prepared forgi=
veness
and great reward” Al-Ahzab 33: 35
Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) advised us to be good to=
our
wives
(The best
among you is the best to his wife and family) Termedhi, Ibn Majja &
Tabarani
(Be good to
women) Bokhari & Muslim
The relati=
onship
between the spouses is based on kindness and mercy and is a blessing from G=
od
“And
among His signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that
you may dwell in tranquility =
with
them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts. Indeed in this are
signs for those who reflect”
Ar-Rum 30: 21
The basis =
of
this relationship between the spouses is not dominance, rather it is based =
on
respect and trust and mutual
consultation, and cherishing God’s blessings, and helping each other =
for
the family to succeed.
women are
allowed to get out and work, have a career, conduct business and own proper=
ty,
and they have the right to express their views and to be heard and not
oppressed or silenced. Respect for the wife and mother is crucial and her a=
dvice
is cherished and applied:
“Those
who respond to their Lord, and establish regular prayer; and who conduct th=
eir
affairs by mutual consultation; and who spend out of what We bestow on
them” Ash-Shura 42: 38
There is no
place in our society for wife-beating
-The law is
against a man who beats his wife. She can call the police and the man will =
be
placed in jail, and a restrai=
ning
order will be given to him that he cannot have contact with his wife, till =
the
matter is settled.
-Prophet M=
uhammad
(PBUH) could not understand how a man would beat his wife, then seek intima=
cy
with her at night (Abdul-Raz-Zak )
-Wife beat=
ing
is against the teaching of Islam which advocates kindness, love and mercy, =
and
stresses the human dignity of a wife and mother.
-The
Qur’anic injunction only applies to a minority of women who are dislo=
yal
and feel superior and is not a permission to humiliate women. Such discipli=
ne
is not applicable in our society:
“Men
are the protectors and maintainers of women, because Allah has given the one
more than the other, and
because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient, and guard&nbs=
p;
in the husband’s absence what Allah would have them guard. As =
to
those women on whose part you fear disloyalty and ill-conduct, admonish them
first, (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); b=
ut
if they return to obedience d=
o not
annoy them, for Allah is most high, Great”
An-Nesa’=
a
4: 34
-A man sho=
uld
put himself in his wife’s position: how would he feel if he is beaten=
by
his wife! Would this behavior
destroy any feeling of trust and love towards the person inflicting =
this
humiliation?